Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Saddest Donstaroo Around

Tim Donst

         Hello CHIKArmy and welcome back to The Dark Match! Once again it has been far too long in between posts. My darn real life has been getting in my way in the form of mid term exams. However, that can't get me down, because this past weekend was Chikara's 2013 debut weekend. I can tell you that I'm counting the days until Smart Mark video can get those shows rolled out. This post is going to focus on one of the great enigmas of Chikara Pro. While Tim Donst is a sad, conniving and as of late, rather ruthless individual, I can not help but like the guy. If you don't know, he might have the best promos in all of professional wrestling. I guess you could call me a Donstaroo! Lets get into the year that was 2012 for “The Mat Wrestling Machine” Tim Donst.





CHIKARA Debut: Rey de Voladores April 22nd 2007
Affiliations: Team Stranglehold (Drew Gulak, Andy Summers)
                Order of the Neo Solar Temple (Ultramantis Black, Crossbones, Hydra)
                Sea Donsters (Hydra)
                BDK (Jakob Hammermeier, Delirious, Ares, Tursas, Derek Sabato, Claudio Castagnoli, Pinkie Sanchez, Sara Del Rey, Daizee Haze, Lince Dorado, Dieter VonSteigerwalt)


        Tim's year didn't start out with the resounding pop of New Years fireworks. At The Thirteenth Hat, the debut show, Tim and Jakob started their year against the redbull driven 3.0. This came after Tim walked out on his BDK teammate Ares at the High Noon IPPV. Tim cuts a promo saying that the BDK will be better than ever without Ares. High hopes for a stable that held the CdP belts and dominated Chikara for all of 2010. Tim dreamed of a win to start of his year, but the over zealous Jakob might have cost him his match. The self professed greatest Young Lions Cup Champion of all time slapped his partner back out of the entrance way after Jakob succumbed to the Sweet Taste O' Professionalism.

        February would prove to be a more productive month for Tim. Teaming with Jakob, as well as the Batiri, he was part of two atomicos matches. During the first, in always friendly Reading PA, he faced off against the pre-chikarabarimetrics Wink devised team of 3.0, Eddie Kingston and the “Handicap Hero” Greg Iron. Proving what a dominant physical force he is, Tim choked out Greg with a shoe lace. The greatest Young Lions Cup champ was resorting to cheating and it wasn't even the third show of the season yet. Tim might have had the same ideas for victory the next evening in Long Island, but his match was intervened in by the new invaders, Gekido.
         March brought Chikara into new territory when they hit the border and came to Canada for their first Canadian tour. Tim was slated to challenge Canada's adopted son, El Generico. Generico would be a perfect stepping stone for Tim to prove that he deserved to challenge Hallowicked for the title of greatest Young Lions Cup champion. As he did do Greg, instead of using his raw talents as the Mat Wrestling Machine, Tim choked Generico out with a shoe lace. Rather disappointing end to what was a great match by both competitors. Though not on the next days card in Ottawa, Tim arrived to cause grief to Hallowicked, who was in a match against the mysterious 17 and The Shard. Trying to take his YLC back, Tim crept out to the ring during Wicked's match and stole his cup. He lost it however, when he was chased away by Ultramantis Black and his staff.
        April brought new prospects for Chikara in the form of Synergy, an event collaborated between Chikara and Ring of Honor. Chikara's half of the event was held on the afternoon of the 28th. Tim was finally getting a chance at Hallowicked, not a one on one encounter, but in a atomicos. He couldn't help himself however to wait until after intermission to face Hallowicked. Instead he posed as a masked fan during intermission and assaulted Wicked in the ring. Feeling smug about himself, Tim competed in his atomicos match, believing Hallowicked to be injured. This wasn't the case, and he was chased to the back by his arch rival. With each corner Tim cut by trying to prove himself better than Wicked, he suffered a set back. The next day in a four corners elimination match, Donst was able to gain a little revenge after being embarrassed the day prior. Reverting back to his trusty shoe lace, Donst was able to eliminate Hallowicked and Ultramantis from the match by a very suspicious rear naked choke.
        May came for Chikara, and with it the always enjoyable Aniversario events. On night 1 Tim and Jakob teamed with the Batiri in a cross generational ten man tag match. The victory was scored by the flying posterior of the mighty goblin Kobald. Following his victory over some of Chikara's previous greats, Tim was feeling confident going into the Highline Ballroom to stand across the ring from Hallowicked, and the rest of the Spectral Envoy. The setting was not as intimate as Tim would have wanted, since the Batiri and Gekido were also part of Chikara's first Royal Rhombus match. Again Jakob would disappoint Tim and lose them the match. Tim might have been sour over that fact but there would be something to make him smile in a few days. After raising a petition to regain his Young Lions Cup back from Hallowicked, Wink finally consented. Before How to Hatch a Dinosaur, Wink and a group of his personal cronies went to Hallowicked to take back Tim's cup. Instead of reclaiming the proper cup however, Wink in his brilliance stole Hallowicked's. This only stoked the smoldering ashes that had been building for the inevitable meeting between the two Young Lions Cup greats. Chikarasaurus Rex came, and Tim and Hallowicked prepared themselves for a hair versus mask match. If Tim managed a victory, he would not only regain his Cup but truly be able to call himself the Greatest Young Lion's Cup Champion of all time and Hallowicked would be humiliated in front of the thousands watching at home and in person. After a lengthy, and impressive showing of both challengers physical prowess, Tim went back to the well of dishonestly and pulled out the shoe lace that had choked out Hallowicked months before. Bryce Remsburg dropped Wicked's arm three times, signifying a win for Tim. Sitting Hallowicked onto a steel chair to be unmasked, Tim stood victorious, arm raised. And from under his arm fell the shoe lace! Bryce caught sight of it and restarted the match. Dazed with disbelief, Tim was caught off guard by a flying boot of Hallowicked, and submitted to the Chikara Special. Instead of stealing back his cup and Wicked's mask, Tim was shaven bald.
        After his loss to Hallowicked, Tim was lost. He suffered losses to both Sugar Dunkerton, who made his return to Chikara in Canada, and Sara Del Rey. July was no different for Tim. He was beginning to realize that all of his bravado was for not, and that he wasn't the champ that he envisioned himself to be. If there was one man who still believed in Tim however, it was his self proclaimed BFF, Jakob Hammermeier. Jakob was on his own road to possibly winning the Young Lions Cup, and he needed Tim. Caught up in his own illusions that Hallowicked had come back to life to defeat him at Chikarasaurus Rex, Tim wasn't interested in helping Jakob. In fact, he was out to cause him harm. Tim tried to warn Jakob that the cup could only bring him trouble and pain. Jakob proceeded into his semi-finals match against ACH, believing that he could ascend to the same level as his mentor and BFF Tim. It wouldn't be for Jakob, as Tim cost him the match. Tim wouldn't allow Jakob to suffer the same fate as himself. Heartbreaking as that may have been for Jakob, he still tried to take Tim out for picnics and build back up their strained friendship.
        Without the BDK, Tim and Jakob weren't able to be part of the main King of Trios tournament. Instead, Tim decided to change his focus from moping about Hallowicked, to antagonizing Grand Champion Eddie Kingston. After King had fought and sustained his title against Tadasuke, on night 2, Tim came out to the ring and assaulted Kingston. He called Eddie a monster saying that he was what was wrong with professional wrestling. It was Kingston in 2007 that really initiated Tim into Chikara and it was obvious that he hadn't forgot. On night 3, Jakob and Tim were the first entrants in the ten team tag gauntlet. Their competitors were the always capable Green Ant and Fire Ant. Over the course of the match, Tim showed little regard for Jakob, tossing him out of the ring at several points instead of using tags. Jakob even took a drop kick for Tim. Slowly, Tim was forgetting everything that he once held dear to himself.
        October brought a new, vicious Tim. Still showing complete disregard for Jakob, the tag team was able to gain a point towards tag gold in Piedmont Alabama. Partaking in another tag match the next Sunday afternoon, Jakob accidentally struck Tim. After forcing a submission, not with the use of a shoe lace, Tim punished Jakob by using Eddie's sliding D. It would appear as though changing his obession from Hallowicked to Eddie had rejuvenated Tim's confidence. This confidence in himself and his obsession with Kingston overtook him in this years Cibernetico. Even though Tim and Eddie were on the same 8 man team, Tim took every opportunity to attack Eddie. After Eddie pulled off a surprise pin on Kevin Steen, the match was left to Eddie and Tim. Recently Tim had resorted to having Jakob carry around a mysteriously heavy object. Tim would use this black bag to strike his opponents in the back of the head, stealing victories. The Cibernetico would end no differently, as Tim savagely struck Eddie with the mystery bag. Winning the Cibernetico, even though through ill means, prompted our wise Director of Fun to give Tim his opportunity at Eddie's belt.
        Chikara's season finale came in the form of their third IPPV, Under the Hood. Tim had finally been granted his Grand Championship match against Eddie. The match main evented the stellar IPPV card. Eddie and Tim fought viciously, throwing heavy strikes as well as high impact suplexes and DDT's. Nearing the end of the match, Eddie accidentally nailed Bryce Remsburg with a heavy lariat. While the ref was down Tim took this opportunity to bash Eddie with his new found cheating method, his black bag. His attempt of thievery against the Grand Champ would fail through and he was pinned.  
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Tim had an up and down year. His confidence soared through out much of 2012, but he had a rather despondent summer. I foresee a big 2013 for Tim, especially being granted another Grand Championship shot. As always, tell your friends about The Dark Match, and follow me on twitter @MurrayDarkMatch. Until next time CHIKArmy, I shall wait for Smartmarkvideo to bring out the 2013 debut weekend! So exciting!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Dark Army Marches On...

The Batiri: Obariyon, Kodama and Kobald


        Hello CHIKArmy, I hope that you have all been in good health since last we spoke! I also hope that you all enjoyed National Pro Wrestling Day in one capacity or another. Personally, as soon as the geniuses at Smart Mark Video get those shows up for MP4 download, I am going to be giving them money. Until then, it is business as usual at The Dark Match. So Tim Donst actually came in a very close second to UltraMantis Black in the poll that was at the bottom of the page. However, we aren't here to talk about Sad Sack Tim today. This is because while preparing to write up the Tim Donst blog, I received a rather troubling phone call. The other end of the line crackled with static, and all I could hear was low grunting. Suddenly I heard the distinct cackling of the Prince of All Goblins Kobald! Kobald told me that if I didn't do my next write up on the Batiri, that he would flush me down the Demon's Toilet. Well I'm a man of reason, so here is the year that was 2012 for the Batiri!





Obariyon
CHIKARA Debut - Young Lions Cup 8  August 28th 2010
Affiliations: The Dark Army (Kodama, Sinn Bohdi)
                  The Batiri (Kodama, Kobald, Ophidian, Delirious)

Kodama
CHIKARA Debut: Eye to Eye  September 18th 2010
Affiliations: The Dark Army (Obariyon, Sinn Bohdi)
                  The Batiri (Obariyon, Kobald, Ophidian, Delirious)

Kobald
CHIKARA Debut: Clutch of Doom  February 20th 2011
Affiliations: The Batiri (Obariyon, Kodama, Ophidian, Delirious)

       
         Kobald was the first to wrestle from the demonic trio at Chikara's debut event, beginning 2012 with a match against one of the perennial favorites Jigsaw. This had to easily be Kobald's second biggest match, beside his competitive outing against Eddie Kingston the previous summer. After exchanging blows, Jigsaw super kicked Kobald back to Bled Isle, but not before Kobald put in an excellent effort. On the same evening Obariyon and Kodama competed in the main event against Fire Ant and Soldier Ant. The Batiri put up a hard fought contest, but in the end two high kicks and a Beach Break would end their evening in a loss.
        During February the Batiri competed in two different atomicos matches. It was during the second in New York, that the Batiri were part of witnessing a pinnacle event in 2012. While squaring off against the Colony, Jigsaw and Mike Quackenbush, the mysterious and aggressive Gekido assaulted the technico squad. Wisely, Obariyon and Kodama stepped out of the way and allowed the Gekido to have their way with the technicos. Shortly after the events of February had concluded, the Batiri began to become rather tech savvy. Taking issue with royalty, the Queen of Wrestling Sara Del Rey, the Batiri began a twitter war. The demonic hellions, who had proven to prefer grunts and shouts in the ring, proved themselves to be surprisingly articulate when it came to social media. Claiming they had been mysteriously wronged by her, the demons antagonized Del Rey with lewd comments and pictures (my personal favourite being Sara eating the Chipotle burrito). You don't kick the castle of a Queen and not expect there to be royal vengeance. During Chikara's debut in the Great White North, Sara entered the ring with royalty from Bled Isle, the Prince of All Goblins, Kobald. Kobald and Sara fought back and forth, Kobald putting up more offense and determination than had been seen out of the goblin before! Using his trickery and skills achieved from the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, which he said he had been training in over the holidays, Kobald picked up the victory. Sara, for at least one day, had been tossed for her throne, and in its place sat a Prince.
        Sara's loss to Kobald only fueled the goat dung flames that burned in the wilderness of the Batiri. Their twitter assault only continued as more embarrassing photos surfaced. At I'll be a Mummy's Uncle, the first Chikara outing of April, Kodama prepared himself to attempt to humiliate the Queen of Wrestling. While Kodama was in the ring with Sara, Obariyon and Kobald lurked on the outside of the ring. Like ghouls from the mists, the Batiri attempted to interject themselves as often as possible. Even with the distractions, the cunning queen rolled up Kodama for the victory. Her win may not have been worth the trouble however. Post match, the Batiri assaulted Del Rey, throwing her into the ring posts.
        The series between the conniving demons and Del Rey now stood at one win a piece. This set up the inevitable confrontation between Sara and the brutish Obariyon. After suffering a loss to the cheating Mr. Touchdown at the Synergy event, Obariyon was full of rage and ready to do battle with Sara in Lafayette, Indiana. Sara fought valiantly against the demonic Obariyon, using her strong legs to throw heavy kicks. Ever devious however, Obariyon distracted Sara on the turnbuckle by licking her face! Tossing her to the mat, he leaped and struck her down with a vicious flying DDT, The Rapture. As soon as the match concluded Kodama and Kobald rushed to the ring with a rope. Hog-tying Sara, the Batiri looked like they were prepared to take Sara back to their cave to feed her to minions of Kobald. Before they could do any serious damage, the young luchadora, Saturyne, made the save. This might have put Saturyne into the graces of Del Rey, but it immediately made her a enemy of the demonic trio.
        The month of May was fairly quiet for the Batiri. In the ring anyway. They competed in two Anniversario matches, but their main prey Sara Del Rey remained within their black eyes. On twitter however they remained as obnoxious as ever, antagonizing del Rey and Saturyne every chance they got. Unexpectedly though, a fourth party interjected himself into the war of words: Delirious. A 3 on 2 handicap match had been announced for Chikarasaurus Rex: The Batiri vs Sara and Saturyne. On several occasions, Delirious commented on how unfair he felt this matchup was, even going so far as to tease making an appearance to even the sides. Finally June came, and on the world stage of IPPV, the Batiri stood ready to finish their confrontation with Sara and Saturyne. The pace of the match was a testament to the hatred that had built between these two factions. Fighting without tire, the Batiri brutalized Saturyne and left her ailing. Del Rey began to make a team comeback, but before either side could register a victory, the tease proved true as coming to the ring was Delirious. Having previously promised to destroy Ultramantis Black, he choke bombed Del Rey. The referee had not choice but to call the match, but Delirious's presence was an ominous one. Kissing each member on the top of their head, Delirious brought the fight of Ultramantis back to the Batiri.
        After aligning themselves with Delirious, the Batiri took the rest of June to enjoy the shady rocks and mosses of Bled Isle. Making their return in July, Kobald returned to compete in the Young Lions Cup. In Portland Maryland, Kobald outlasted two of his competitors, even eliminating the dance sensation Jivin' Jimmy, to stand with Anthony Stone. Stone and Kobald hammered the other with strong offenses, and it would have appeared Kobald would pick up the victory with the Demon's Toilet. It would not be for the goblin again unfortunately in the Young Lions Cup, as Stone pinned him after tossing Kobald from the top rope. In what can only be called a tragic upset, Kobald would have to wait for next summer.
        As many did, the Batiri used the remaining months of summer to prepare for the upcoming King of Trios tournament, which was to be held in September. The first out of three warm up matches was against the recently aligned, all be it by DOF Wink, BooyAkuma (Shane Matthews, Scott Parker and Gran Akuma). Unlike most of the Wink concoctions, BooyAkuma were working as a cohesive unit, and had the match nearly in hand. This was until Delirious came from the back and attacked Akuma, who was on the turnbuckle. Summoning Ophidian from the locker room, Delirious and his newly recruited Dark Army proceeded to beat down the members of BooyAkuma. In a single and powerful gesture, Delirious sent his message to Mantis: that the new Batiri would be a formidable opponent. August came and delivered two trios matches for the Batiri. who were no longer were traveling as a trio. Ophidian, the appointed ring general of Delirious' army, now slithered along. In Milwaukee, the Batiri did battle with the newly formed Colony, who were just getting Fire Ant back after a long summer of recovery. Their new leadership showed as the trio demonstrated a sadistic streak shocking even for them. Hoisting Green Ant onto his back, Obariyon tossed him into the air and down onto the knee of Kodama. This new and sickeningly fiendish move was dubbed, the Seventh Circle. The next evening in Indianapolis Soldier Ant suffered the same consequence as Green Ant, a knee to the back of his skull. After losing in the first round of KOT 2011, the Batiri had made their mark on Chikara, they would crush skulls to gain wins in KOT 2012.
        King of Trios came at last to the delight of the CHIKArmy, and the Batiri were prepared to take a war to anyone who opposed them. In the first round of the tournament they faced a familiar foe, BooyAkuma. Again, the oddly matched Wink trio fought well against the more seasoned trio of demons. To ensure their victory, their ring general Ophidian intervened in the match. Striking Akuma with a Meteora double knees, the Batiri were able to capture the win. With the Seventh Circle, the Batiri were dangerous enough, adding Ophidian into their fold had made them efficient victors. Night two of the tournament came and the Batiri stood across from their most hated rivals, the Spectral Envoy. In a match that was predicted to be a war in the finals, the crowd was treated to a monstrous brawl in this quarter-final match up. Like opposing rivers the trios clashed in a chaotic torrent, each trio using the moves they had been perfecting over the summer. Unfortunately for the Batiri, their efforts were not enough to stop the surging Envoy. This did not stop them from taking their revenge however. Post match, Ophidian blasted his venom in the eyes of Mantis, and Kobald dropped a Demon's Toilet onto the injured leg of Frightmare. Kobald cackled into the camera, if they couldn't win, neither could the Envoy. This message did not bode well for the Envoy, who were now advanced into the semi-finals. Though the weekend had ended for the Batiri in the ring, they were still going to be a part of the extracurricular events. The semi-finals came and Envoy had bested F.I.S.T to reach team ROH. This wouldn't do for Delirious' Dark Army. Part way into the match the Batiri skulked onto the entrance ramp and proceeded to the ring. What they didn't know was that Crossbones, the Heavy Weight Horror, stood behind them. Tossing Delirious into a ring post, Crossbones cleared the Batiri off the ramp. Making their way onto the floor and near the ring, the Batiri had a Jackson brother suplexed down onto them. It was a miserable day for the demonic tribe, as the Envoy completed the long tournament with a victory. This would not sit well with Delirious or his newly ordered brood.
        October brought the first match where the Batiri teamed with Ophidian. This was the first test as to whether Delirious' recruits could meld together. Taking direction well from Ophidian, the Batiri gained a victory over the odd team of F.I.S.T and Sugar Dunkerton. This match proved that under the guidance of their general Ophidian, Obariyon and Kodama could be ever more efficient in their destruction. The first post-Trios meeting between the two warring factions also occurred as Kobald faced off with Frightmare during Chikara's Alabama debut. Showing his rage over being unable to stop the Envoy win KoT, he struck a vicious blow in the war injuring Frightmare and putting him on the shelf for over a month. Their warpath continued into November when they found themselves intervening in another Envoy match. After picking up a win over the Soul Touchaz in their home city of Chicago, the Batiri were feeling especially fiendish and evil. Ultramantis Black and Hallowicked had gained another title shot, and faced off against the Young Bucks. This wouldn't do for the Dark Army, who, while unable to stop Mantis from gaining his King of Trios victory, were able to stop him and Hallowicked from taking the title straps from the Jackson brothers.
        Pleased with themselves, the Batiri entered into the final show of the season with great confidence. Ophidian, Obariyon, Kodama and Kobald had been progressing well as a unit. They had gained victories over several of the top Chikara teams, and stole a victory away from Ultramantis. Attempting to keep good on this promise to ruin Ultramantis, Delirious lead his cohorts into Under the Hood. In what was the match of the night, the Batiri and Envoy battled in a spectacle of brawn and ferocious tactics. It was obvious that the Batiri had learned to team with Ophidian, but Delirious's absence from many of the events was obvious. While the Batiri and Ophidian could multitask four man assaults, Delirious was not functioning efficiently in the group. The Batiri could not avoid having Delirious spiked into the mat, and they suffered their first major loss against the Envoy. 2012 had a bitter end for the demonic trio.
        I hope I did well, and that I don't get another raspy phone call from Kobald. 2012 was fantastic year for the Batiri, and I can only see 2013 being another spectacle of ferocity. Next up for the Dark Match is the always melancholic Tim Donst! Until next time, remember to tell your friends about the Dark Match and give me a follow on twitter @MurrayDarkMatch. Until next time, go back and watch Chikara, it's what I'm going to do!