Friday, January 11, 2013

A League of His Own

Chikara debut: A Death Worse Than Fate 2/25/12

        This likely won't come as a major shock to any of my readers but...I am a nerd. I actually bought my Nintendo DS just so I could play the most recent set of Pokemon games. Growing up as a nerd, I got the treatment you might have expected from the “athletic” types. I never got a swirlee, thank goodness, although I did however once come into the locker room to discover my shoes had been put over shower heads and filled with water. Fast forward several years and who do I see on my screen at The Thirteenth Hat, the Chikara season 11 debut show? It was the exact same type of nerd hating roid rager, “Mr. Touchdown” Mark Angelosetti that had filled my shoes with water all those years back. What spiked my blood even more, he sure seemed to have a vendetta against nerds too. I will now recount the landmark 2012 of Mark Angelosetti (who somehow got over looked by PWI as rookie of the year).


          Mr. Touchdown made his official in ring debut against the Colony in February of 2012. He did so with his step cousin in law, Dasher Hatfield. From the bell, it was obvious that Mark had spent a few more reps on the football practice field than in a wrestling ring. However, his in ring abilities were not minimal. Mr. Touchdown and Dasher pulled out some highly athletic double team maneuvers considering it was their first time tagging together. I will honestly never forget seeing Bo Jackson performed for the first time on Fire Ant. Mark was very confident in his abilities, and constantly refused to tag in Dasher. At one point during the match, he even stole Dasher's opportunity to do the baseball slide! The match was won by disqualification when Green Ant came out and shoved Dasher from the top rope. His first ten minutes in a Chikara ring resulted in a victory for the pig-skin player.
        The next evening in Long Island, the match of the New Throwbacks came against Scott Parker and Shane Matthews of 3.0. Coming in with one point already earned, the rookie squad was hoping for an upset over the ten year veterans. It wasn't the day for the Throwbacks, however and Mr. Touchdown took his first pin fall of 2012. This was the match that granted 3.0 their ticket into the Promised Land. On his way out of the ring, and backstage, Mark was brought face to face with “The Beautiful One” of Chikara, Veronica. While Veronica was making her way out to the ring with the reeling Archibald Peck, she and Mr. Touchdown met eyes. The quarterback had met his cheerleader queen, the only problem being Veronica was a majorette. Well that and she was with Archie, who was desperately trying to regain her affections. Archie pulled Veronica away from Mr. Touchdown, but it was clear that Veronica had noted the physique and bulky thigh pads of Mark.
        On night 2 of the Canadian invasion, Mr. Touchdown faced off against Jigsaw in an impromptu singles meeting, since Mike Quackenbush had been injured the prior evening. It took no time at all for word to reach the boys, and particular lady, in the back that Mark was putting on an excellent match against Jigsaw. Veronica came out to ringside to see her new interest in all his sweaty glory. She tried to appear disinterested, looking at T-shirts and weaving around her baton. When she did make it to ringside, Mark was giddier than a fifteen year old on his first date. A few hip swivels from Jon Barber though, prompted on by Jigsaw, and Veronica dashed to the locker room. But the sparks where even more evident between the majorette and her muscle clad all-star. It wasn't just Veronica who had noticed Mr. Touchdown. Archie knew what was happening, the leader of the band could see he was losing his love.
        Archibald Peck is not a man to stand by and allow the love of this life to cross over the field and go from the half-time show to the main event. Archie decided it was time for a change. When Archie and Mark met in the ring for the first time in Rahway, Mark stood across from a very different man. Instead of adorning himself in his usual sash and purple, Archie had visited a dojo and picked up a few Davey Richards moves. Mixed Martial Archie brought Mr. Touchdown his toughest fight yet. The Gridiron grappler had never faced a band leading MMA specialist before. But Archie's anger grew too much for him though and Mr. Touchdown was granted the win by Excesivo de Castigo (excessive violence).
        Taking a break from torturing poor Mixed Martial Archie, Dasher and Mark stood together for the first time as a tag team in a few months during the Synergy event. In their way of climbing the tag team ladder were the Batiri, who are always conniving and dangerous. As usual, Mr. Touchdown wanted to call all the plays, and audibles, without the help of his offensive coach Dasher. After refusing to tag Dasher in on multiple occasions, Dasher went and sat on the guard rail with the fans. After taking a beating from the Batiri for a few minutes, the crowd let Mr. Touchdown know what he had to do, as a chant of “say your sorry” rang through Chicago. Weighing the options of making the winning drive on his own or taking the loss for his team, Mark reconciled with Dasher. Dasher came in with fists of fury. After taking a flying DDT onto the apron however, Mr. Touchdown was left in the ring alone. While Dasher lay on the floor in agony, Mr. Touchdown decided if he was going to make it to the end zone for the Throwbacks, he was going to have to resort to cheating. Taking his helmet he struck Kodama with it and made the cover. The very next evening in Lafayette, seeking a critical second point, the Throwbacks faced off against the dynamic Minnesota tandem of Darin Corbin and Arik Cannon. The match seemed all but won after Dasher pasted Darin with his Suicide Squeeze. Darin might have kicked out, but Mr. Touchdown held his leg. The Throwbacks exited the weekend with two points earned by Mark's cheating.
        Night one of Chikara's Anniversario weekend came, and avid CHIKARMY members came out to support the colourful cast they love. At A Horse of Another Colour, Mark squared off against the crafty ring veteran, Colt Cabana. Colt's shenanigans irritated Mark, and using a painful Chicago Skyline, Colt picked up the victory. The next evening in New York, Colt squared off against Dasher. During the match Colt descended to the top rope. Before he could leap off, Mr. Touchdown ran out and pulled him down. This set up Dasher's victory. Again, Dasher did not see Mark's cheating, confused as to why Colt would be so upset with him. In four short months in Chikara, Mr. Touchdown had infuriated two beloved technicos in Marchie Archie and Colt. Chikara's upcoming IPPV would prove to be the playing field for the Throwbacks and team Tapout to settle their differences. To spice up the confrontation, the member of the team who took the fall had to leave town! Shortly after the match began Mixed Martial Archie took a brutal spinebuster on the ramp from Mark, and left for the locker room. This left Colt in the ring to defend himself. When things seemed most dire, and that Colt may never return to Chikara, Archie returned from the back. Not as the mixed martial artist he had become, but as the band leading bad boy we first grew to love. At this point, it should have come as no surprise that Veronica, the love of both competitors, would interject herself. Leaving her majorette baton in the ring, it seemed that the first man to use it would win her love. Distracted by Dasher, Archie took a baton shot to the temple. Dasher made the cover and Mark had eliminated Archie from Veronica's life. Archie had to leave town, and Mr. Touchdown won his sweetheart.
        The summer brought new prospects for Mark, mainly his entrance into the Young Lions Cup.  In Syracuse, New York, Mark competed in his first YLC match. He bested his competition and compelled himself into the semi-final round after giving Ryan Rush one of the highest elevated spinebusters you'll ever see. In between his first round match of the YLC, on the evening that held the fourth YLC qualifier, the Throwbacks faced the newly crowned CdP, the Young Bucks. Before the match began, Dasher told Mr. Touchdown that he saw him cheat to defeat Green Ant at a recent Wrestling is Fun show. Dasher told him that he didn't want to believe that he was a cheater, but now that he saw it with his own eyes, he was unhappy. Mr. Touchdown was fed the rough news, if he cheated to win against the Young Bucks, Dasher would send him packing. The match was well fought, and Mr. Touchdown actually stressed team work with Dasher, attempting to win the tag belts. Even with their fantastic team work, and brutal tandem offense, the Throwbacks weren't able to defeat the Bucks. This loss allowed Mr. Touchdown to focus on the YLC.
        Come August, the pig-skin player had his eyes on winning the 2012 YLC. In the semi-final round Mark wrestled the talented New Englander, Anthony Stone. On his lonesome, Stone was proving to be a tougher challenge than his first set of YLC competitors. Even after bringing Mark off the turnbuckles with a Stones Throw, Mr. Touchdown bested his competitor. It would come down to a match later that evening to decide who Mr. Touchdown would battle the next afternoon in the YLC finals. As it would turn out, Mr. Touchdown would combat the rising star, Young Simba, ACH. The next evening came, and anticipation filled The Old National Centre in Indianapolis. The swift and agile ACH stood prepared to face the brawny Mark Angelosetti. From the bell Dasher seemed uncomfortable with Veronica, who now never left Mr. Touchdown's side, being at ringside. Part way through the match, after she proved she had no right being there, Dasher removed Veronica, leaving Mark to win on his own. The contest was fierce, but Mr. Touchdown, as he says, was good. Mark Angelosetti won the 2012 Young Lions Cup.
        September this year was more exciting than most as it brought the 2012 King of Trios. The Throwbacks have entered KOT the past two years albeit with different members (Dasher, Matt Classic and Sugar Dunkerton). Not surprisingly, coming off the high of his YLC victory, Mr. Touchdown named himself captain of the Throwbacks trio. In the first round they contested against the joshi veterans of team JWP. Mark's YLC did not help him in KOT and the Throwbacks were eliminated in round one by a very impressive Argentinian Backbreaker by the powerful Tsubasa Kuragaki. This time, it was Mr. Touchdown's turn to sweat out his lady staring down a different man. On his entrance, the Mysterious and Handsome took the eye of Veronica. Who could blame her? He is mysterious and handsome, two pretty sexy traits in a man.
        A short month after claiming his YLC victory, Mark made his first defense against the submission specialist, Green Ant. This was not the type of match with high flying spots, but a blow for blow battle. Mark and Green Ant went back and forth for twenty minutes. While Bryce was distracted, and Mark saw his opportunity, he struck Green Ant with his helmet. Mark gained his first defense win through ill means. He might get away with these actions in a wrestling ring, but if he was on the football field there would be little yellow flags everywhere.
        In November at Zelda the Great, the Throwbacks were part of a four way tag elimination match. It had been some time again since the Throwbacks were in the hunt for tag points. Mark hadn't forgotten the way Veronica had looked at TMAHS during his entrance at KOT. The Stranger was tagging with his feral pigeon, Sapphire, that evening in Chicago. The Stranger and the bird were putting together some fantastically stiff tandem offense. This was until Sapphire attempted to pin Angelosetti. Taking his advantage, Mark stuffed Sapphire back into her falconers bag. Twisting the top of the bag, Mark smashed the defenseless bird against the mat! The Stranger finally interjected, but it was too late. Sapphire had suffered fatal injuries. The crowd was appalled, calling Mr. Touchdown a monster.
        The next evening, in the AIW home arena, there was a ten bell salute for the fallen Sapphire. Mark's opponent for the evening couldn't make it, so names were drawn from the hat. As luck would have it, The Stranger's name was pulled! Mark received the the beating he deserved. It was also on that night that Mark and Veronica began collecting ballots for the Chikara Homecoming King and Queen. The king and queen would be crowned at the season finale. On the evening of the finale, Mr. Touchdown had a rematch with ACH for his YLC. These two put on another sporting contest. This time however, Dasher wasn't available to remove Veronica from ringside. Holding onto a baton, Mark was able to successfully pin ACH for a second time. After his victory, Mark brought out Veronica for their crowing ceremony. She was crowned queen, but he wasn't crowned king! Who was? The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger! Mark was given a stiff lariat, leaving him on the floor. This gave the Stranger his opportunity during a very touching slow dance to slop Veronica, and reveal that he was Marchie Archie! Who knew?!?!
        This third blog concludes the Chikara champions series for 2012. Who should I cover next? Well, vote below and you can decide! As always, remember to tell your friends about The Dark Match, and give me a follow on twitter @MurrayDarkMatch. Until next time CHIKARMY, I hope you are all getting as pumped for February as I am.

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